BEEP BEEP! TOOT TOOT! Mother India drags me back into the future as I stumble my way through Goa airport, my backpack clattering and jangling in hot pursuit.
“Taxi?” a chaotic rabble of four Indian boys run toward me as I venture into the intense thirty five degree heat that bombards me with the stench of cow dung, dried mud, spices and fear. ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ I plead with myself trying to disguise my inexperience as I gesture to one of the Indian boys that I will take his taxi.
“Namaste” I say as I jump into the dirty back seat. The metal is pitted and dented as though it has been knocked out several times following the many collisions that occur on the most dangerous roads in the world. The faded black of the paintwork is quietly reassured by the support of the rusty yellow stripes and Lord Ganesha smiles confidently from the dashboard that everything will be okay. So I figure, I am here so it’s better to just surrender and get on with it.
“First time Goa?” the Indian boy shouts to me over the noise of constant car horns and rickshaws that ricochet their way into the road from the airport.
“Yes first time. Palolem beach please”. I say with a forced smile, I’m very nervous.
“Palolem? No problem!”. He replies with an enviable sense of freedom.
I settle down in the back of this joyous death trap for the two hour journey and exhale in wonder of this new land. I am filled with nervous excitement along with a feeling of loss for all I have left behind. So much has happened, but I need this huge change to solidify my movement from who I used to be. I pray that I’m not deluding myself but I strongly feel that Goa was calling me – and here I am.
As we trundle along the so-called main road that is affectionately covered by what looks like a layer of dried mud and the occasional dead branch strewn from the overhanging coconut trees, I wind down the window to take in the constantly changing scents of body odour, faeces, stale urine and smoke to sea breeze, herbs, trees and spice. Each smell consumes me in a familiar welcome. It feels like I have been here before…
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